Facing your fears
by LizzyBennett
Summary: Mac thinks on the day his life changed forever and refuses to go down to the Memorial site. Can Stella find a way to get Mac to face his fears? M/S also has Reed in it.


Title: Facing your fears

Author: LizzyBennett

Story Summary: Mac thinks on the day his life would change forever and refuses to go down to the Memorial site. Can Stella find a way to get Mac to face his fears?

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI:NY if I owned CSI:NY do you think I would be a struggling college student? I don't think so either, so please do not think I profit off of any of this, I just like to write for my pure enjoyment.

Okay so I felt the need to write this because I love CSI:NY and this is the day that the nation changed forever. Also I love writing Smacked and I love love love Reed (I always secretly wished that he was Mac's son). I changed Reed's age and kinda made the story-line my own. I changed his age because as a fan fiction writer you can do whatever you want.

I know it's a day after but I wanted to post this. People are gone but they are never forgotten

* * *

Mac sat staring off into space his office silent. Officers would pass his office on their way to the memorial, and Mac would wave to them than look away, he himself was not going to go to the ceremonies. It had been over eight years since the fateful day that claimed the loves of hundreds including his beloved wife Claire.

Claire was the love of his life, his core, his rock and his best friend. When he learned that she would not be coming home, nor was her body found. Mac broke down. He escaped into himself, and suffered from the lost greatly. He refused to accepted any help from family and friends. He shunned his closest co-workers and dealt with the lost by himself. Everyday he would wait by the front door at 6 (The normal time Claire came home) with the hope that she would come through those doors and ease his broken heart. But Claire never came home, and Mac had to face the fact that she wasn't ever coming home.

So with a heavy heart he packed all her things and put them in storage, he couldn't live his life with the constant reminder of what he lost. The only thing he keep was the beach ball she had blown up (Because it still had her breath and air in it) and his wedding ring (Because he couldn't bring himself to take it off).

He went back to work and continued his life without her, he painted a picture of a healing soul, but inside he struggled to go from day to day without crumbling under the weight of the lost. He slowly began to let others in like his partner Stella Bonasera and his CSI team. His team knew that he was going through a lot and over time they became the family that Mac needed and over time Mac began to finally heal.

But every September 11th it seemed Mac would shut down. He avoided going to the memorial service, opting to spend the day alone at home or in the office. Mac just could not go to the place where his wife was last, the place where she died, the place where her body remained never to be found or discovered.

So he sat staring off into space, thinking about Claire, not noticing that Stella was watching him the whole time. Stella dreads this day, not only because it reminds her of the many police officers and other citizens America lost that day, but because she knew that her best friend lost the love of his heart that day. When Claire died, she took large part of Macs heart with her that day, and Stella knew that it would never grow or heal back. Each year she watches as Mac shuts everyone, including her, out and avoids going to memorial services. He tells her that he's busy or just wants to be alone and she knows other wise. She knows that Mac wants someone to sit with, to talk to, and she wants to be there for him to help him finally face the place where his beloved wife last stood and took her last breath.

Stella takes a deep breath and pushes the door to Mac's office:

_"Hey"_ Stella sits next to Mac on the corner of his desk.

Mac continues to stare off into space, Stella gently nudges him:

"_Mac."_

Mac looks up at stella noticing her for the first time:

_"Hey."_ Mac weakly smiles at Stella.

Stella smiles back at Mac:

_"Mac are you alright?" _Stella placed a steady hand on Mac shoulders.

Mac leant his head to the side as if he was thinking. After awhile Mac finally answered:

_"I'm alright Stella just thinking."_

_"About Claire?"_

Mac grew quiet again. Stella didn't expect Mac to answer, but she silently wanted him to answer. They have been partners for so long and Mac shares everything with Stella, everything but his feelings about Claire.

"_More so about this day-"_

Stella was silently nodded her head as Mac continued:

"Stella it's been eight years since I lost her."Throughout the years Mac has grown to except Stella as a dear friend who he can share his feelings with.

_"I know Mac, don't you think its time you.."_

"G_o to the memorial site? Stella we have this conversation every year and each time I tell you that it's not time."_

_"I know Mac, but each year I have this ounce of hope that maybe it is time."_

_"Well it's not" _Mac snapped.

Stella remained silent she knew it was the hurt speaking not the Mac she knows. Stella got up and walked towards the door, she knew that she was not going to win this fight without the one person that could make Mac finally face his fears-His stepson Reed Garrett.

* * *

Mac was still fuming, "How could Stella think that this was the time to visit the site." It wasn't and he wasn't going to be talked into going, when he was ready he would go himself. Right now Mac was not ready and he wasn't going to be forced.

Stella, meanwhile, had just gotten off the phone with Reed. Reed and Mac crossed paths a year ago when Reed was looking for Claire his birthmother. Reed had been following Stella, thinking that she was Claire. When Stella pointed him out to Mac, Mac chased him down and Reed finally revealed who he was. Mac's life instantly was changed forever, he thought that he had lost his wife, but before him was a living, breathing reminder of what he had lost. Reed resembled his mother in every way of the word, when Mac looked into his eyes he saw his deceased wife and from that moment Mac knew that he had to be in this boys life. Mac knew that he had to protect Claire's child.

Stella knew that is Mac could be persuaded by anyone it would be Reed. Mac had this weakness when it came to Reed, he always gave in to the boy. Over the past year Stella noticed that Mac and Reed had gotten closer. They bonded over Claire, Mac shared everything about his late wife with Reed. Talking about Claire was somewhat therapeutic for the detective.

* * *

Reed made his way from the memorial service to the Crime Lab. Though he never got to meet his mother, Reed felt a connection to her and he needed to come out here and support her. He was hoping that he would met Mac at the memorial, but he did not see him. Than he got a call from Stella, Mac's partner, to come to the lab, she needed to speak to him. Reed looked up to Mac. When he was looking for his birth mother, he had found Mac instead and learned that she was dead. He was going to accept that his mother was gone and go back to his life, but Mac was persistent and entrenched himself in Reed's life. Reed wouldn't have it any other way now, Reed loved Mac like a father figure, something the 17 year old needed at the moment.

An hour later Reed arrived at the crime lab and met with Stella:

_"Stella how's it going?Is there something wrong?"_

Stella hugged Reed,"_Everything is going fine, just having a little problem with Mac."_

_"What's wrong with Mac is he alright?_ Reed said concerned.

"_Nothing major Reed, it's just he doesn't want to go to the memorial site today."_

_"Why not?"_

_"He hasn't been over there since you know." _

Reed only nodded his head,_"I understand, what do you want me to do?"_

_"I want you to ask him to go with you. If anyone can get him to finally face his fears you would be the one." Stella smiled._

_"I don't know Stella, you did say that you have been asking him to go with you for the past 7 years, what makes you think that he will listen to me?" _

_"I have a feeling Reed that you have more sway with Mac in this decision than me right now." _

Reed leant his head to the side and didn't answer. Stella smiled to herself and thought,"_Not related I don't think so..."_

_"Okay I'll do it."_

_"Alright do you want me to come with you?"_

_"Let me try first and then I'll call you in if I'm having trouble getting through to him. _

_"Alright."_

* * *

Mac had his back turned to the door when he heard the knock:

_"Come in_" Mac said without turning around.

Reed walked through the door:

_"Mac-_"

Mac turned immediately when he heard Reed's voice. Reed walked over to Mac and hugged him:

_"Stella called me, she thought that I might be able to talk you into coming down to the memorial to pay tribute to mom." _Reed released Mac from his embrace.

Mac stared at Reed, Reed's big green eyes reminded him so much of claire:

"_Reed I don't know why she did that but-_"

_"I think she called me because she's worried about you Mac, and so am I. I understand that moms death is still a hard topic for you to address, but I think that if you face your fears head on than you'llbe able to live a better more pain free life. Mac it's time you went down there and said your goodbyes, I did it and I didn't even know her."_

Reed was smart, too smart Mac thought, but he did have a point. Reed did not know Claire, he has only gotten to know her through the stories Mac has told him. So if he, this 17 year old, can face the truth, than why couldn't Mac?

_"Reed you do have a point but...._"

"_But nothing Mac_," Reed cut him off again,"_Please come, I would like to experience this with you because you knew her and through you I got to know her. Mac we can do this together, just you and I."_

Mac didn't respond, he just stood and stared at Reed. Reed shifted and looked behind him towards Stella who was standing outside the door. Mac looked beyond Reed and too looked at Stella, she was a true friend, trying anything and everything for Mac to officially say goodbye. Her tactics finally paid off, she used the one thing that Mac considered his weakness and finally won the fight.

_"So...._" Reed questioned.

"_I.._" Mac started slow,"_I'll come with you_..."

Reed grinned,"_Okay let's go now_.." Reed grabbed his coat.

Mac walked over to the coat rack and grabbed his coat too.

Both walked out the door and towards Stella who too was standing with her jacket. The boys walked up to her:

_"I guess you were right_." Reed laughed.

"_Told you so."_ Stella laughed back.

Reed figured that the two needed to speak so he walked over towards the elevators. Once the partners were alone, Stella spoke:

"_Mac I needed to get you there some how_."

_"I understand Stella."_

"_I'm glad you do Mac, so you want met to tag along or do you just want to do this with him?" _

Mac looked over at the elevator and watched as Reed played with the PSP. It was official, Reed has finally found the place in Mac's heart that was once only reserved for Claire, so has Stella.

"_No I want you to tag along, we can do this as a family_."

"_Oh so now I'm family_?" Stella asked almost shocked.

"_You've always been my family Stella." _

Stella hugged Mac then lightly kissed him on the cheek:

_"I know, I just needed you to confirm it." _

Mac heard Reed giggle and he broke from Stella hug. Stella put her jacket on :

"_You ready?"_

Mac took a deep breath:

"_Yes."_

* * *

I hope you all enjoyed..... I was thinking about writing something long term with Mac, Stella, and Reed... Along with the whole team.. Something action packed... Like my sister does with CSI:Miami fan fiction. If you like CSI:Miami fan fiction check out my sisters stories her Pen Name is: MrsDarcy1234.

COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS WELCOMED.


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